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Six weeks in ..

I’ve noticed in my previous posts how I always seem to mention what other people think, are doing, or what they may have said. Well this one is a little different, this is just me, six weeks in, writing down some thoughts.

First of all … fuck. I never knew it would be this draining. I am so tired and my body feels so tired. Someone asked me recently how parenthood is going, I answered simply “there’s little sleep but alot of love!”

I feel like a new woman in the fact that I don’t remember who I am anymore. I’ve lost my way a bit I guess. There are so many feelings and emotions going on everything just completely throws me.

I can no longer just nip out for something, mainly because I overthink and overworry and overanalyse everything. I know I shouldn’t and some thoughts are absolutely ridiculous but there you go.

I feel so lost. My home used to be my safe place, my haven if you like, and now there are some days it feels like a prison. My only safe place I guess atm is on Instagram, where the “instamums” are sharing similar thoughts so I don’t feel so alone at 3am in the morning, or any time really.

There’s not a minute in the day that I’m not thinking about what I should be doing and yet wondering where I’ll get the energy to do so. There is so much paperwork still to be done it’s so overwhelming and not helping how I feel one bit. We’ve got to go to the nursery soon to get Nelly’s name on the waiting list, yet I can’t see how I’m ever going to be able to leave her there and go back to work, but life isn’t a fairytale and bills need to be paid!

I know how this all sounds a bit “poor me” but it’s just how I’m feeling and this is the only way I feel I can express it really. So there ya go.

Here’s to the next 6 weeks!


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The best presents for a mum to be/mum ..

As my birthday is approaching one of my friends has asked me what I would like for it. Firstly I haven’t even thought about it and secondly I literally haven’t got a clue.

I have no idea how I used to dress pre pregnancy. My hair now consists of “unbrushed” or “mum bun” as I call it.

I don’t like coffee yet Im considering a coffee machine but then I know Ill be upset when I cant drink it hot 😂😂

Here are some of the best buys I’ve bought or been given during pregnancy or the first weeks of having Nelly that have made me feel special.

1. “The New Mum’s Notebook” – now I know I have mentioned this before. This book is beautiful, amazing, just what we need to hear, and the ironic thing is, it’s literally just what we are thinking but it really helps to see it written down by somebody else that what we are feeling is completely normal, and that we have got this.

2. A pregnancy pillow. – I believe everybody should have one of these personally, whether you are pregnant or not, male or female, this is the best pillow ever. It’s the fuckin best.

3. Refreshing foot spray. Bear with me on this one. If you are as unfortunate as me to have suffered the dreaded restless legs during pregnancy, stock up on this stuff. Just spray it and lie there and let it do it’s magic, trust me you will feel ten times better.

4. A pair of slippers and pyjamas. Make it a nice fancy pair why don’t ya? We need to feel a little bit special when we are up doing the night feed, or even a pair of pyjamas that we can get into when we get up and take our other pair of pyjamas. No, you can never have too many pairs!

5. Chocolate. This one needs no explanation.

6. A nice mug or glass, whatever. Something we can sip our lukewarm tea out of (hot cups of tea are a thing of the past now 😂)

7. Facemasks, candles, a body lotion. Anything that will give us 5 minutes if that to make us feel ourselves again. Never under estimate the power of the little things.

Sometimes we don’t even need presents, just presence. Even just a little message every now and again to check in. You don’t even have to make it baby/mummy related, send us a funny picture or just a message to make us feel like the old us again. We are still in there somewhere.


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What not to say to a new parent …

This is my first post since our Nelly’s been born and I thought it was only right it would be a list and a rant because why not?!

Since having her in our lives it has been highlighted how much of a nervous wreck I have become. I am scared and so aware of absolutely everything. Every little noise, every person’s sneeze, movements, how people drive, the list could go on .. the world is a scary place to bring a baby into in my eyes .. for the first 4 days after we got home from the hospital I was afraid to even take her into the garden let alone think about taking her out of the house. The thought of people coming near her and touching her made me want to cry and I did even at the though of it. The first outing we did was to a bar round the corner from our house just for some breakfast, and all was well (I’d packed 8 nappies, a pack of baby wipes, a box of nappy bags and a change of clothes, oh and 2 bottles .. we were home within the hour!!) Until a man was walking his dog off the lead and it came up to the pram and I just freaked out and burst into tears .. what I’m trying to get to here is how scared us new parents are of everything, so we really do not need to hear silly comments from people we know or don’t. Here are a few that I have heard since having her (she’s not even 3 weeks old)

1. “So how are you feeling?” – Fucking tired. Am I allowed to say that now? I’m a tired, nervous, hormonal weepy wreck if you must know!

2. “Are you breastfeeding or bottle feeding?” – All you need to know is my baby is being fed thank you. How is none of your business.

3. “Ooh I’m tired” – How fucking dare you?!

4. “Isn’t she too hot/cold?” – Ah, the judgemental twats … Look, it’s taken me hours and even days to convince myself to bring my baby out so don’t start criticizing how I’m looking after my daughter. If she was too hot or cold she would cry thank you and I’m not a complete fucking imbecile.

5. “How old is he/she?” – I took Nelly out for a friend’s birthday lunch and she has a pink head support, pink blankets, pink bows on her pram (my mum’s addition not mine!) and she has a pink dummy in her mouth saying Nelly .. the first thing I was asked by someone I don’t even know was “aww how old is he?” Now don’t get me wrong, it’s 2018 .. if you want to cover a baby boy in pink blankets be my guest … but does she really look like a he?!?!?!

6. “Oh I didn’t do that with my baby” – Whether it be dummies, how they’re dressed, how you’re feeding them, everything is going to be commented on and judged my small minded people unfortunately. Yes she has a dummy, not all the time because she is in a constant battle with using her hand as a dummy or using the actual dummy, but if it makes my baby happy then it’s none of your concern thank you.

7. “Ohh is he babysitting?” – No, the father of my child is not babysitting thank you, he’s parenting. Get with it!!!

8. “So when are you back at work?” Followed by the judgey look when I say she will be put into nursery at 4 months. What would you prefer? Me to leave her home alone?

9. “You should sleep when the baby sleeps?” Ohh ok and who is going to clean the house and do the dinner and the washing and take hundreds of photos of her sleeping then?!

Basically I think we all just need a pat on the back, a hot cup of tea (ha ha ha!!) and some words of encouragement and that will be enough thank you. Don’t forget the saying “if you’ve got nothing nice to say then don’t say it!”



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Pregnancy Diary – Week 40! ..


So 283 days in .. and yes, I’m still pregnant 😂 taking it as a compliment that I obviously have a very comfortable womb, as this little nugget isn’t ready to come out and meet us yet.

It’s such a weird feeling, at the beginning of the pregnancy you are given an estimated due date, and I know statistically no baby is born on their due date unless maybe it’s a scheduled c-section, but you have this date in your mind for nearly 8 months, and it seems so far away, then it’s holy shit close, and then it’s gone, and you have no baby 😂 we went to Torrevieja hospital for monitoring on Tuesday, with our bags packed, wondering if we’d be coming out as a family or what was going to happen. They monitored me and baba, all is well, I had a rather … handy … experience with the gynacologist, then was given another appointment for next week and we were sent on our way.

I read a perfect comparison in How To Grow A Baby And Push It Out by Clemmie Hooper (have a read!!) And she says it’s like every day is Christmas Eve but you never know when Santas coming!

So cue more comments from people, if I have one more person ask me “is she here yet?” “Are you still pregnant?” “Any signs yet?” .. I think i might end up going bat shit crazy! Oh and of course the “eat pineapple/have a curry/go for a walk ..” comments .. tbh with you I have lost all my energy these past few weeks, so I shall be resting and finally ‘making the most of it’ until the big moment.

It’s also really weird because you go to bed thinking tonight could be the night (I’m convinced I’ll go into labour at night) but then wake up feeling secretly smug that you’ve managed another lie in (or is that just me?)

I remember seeing so many people due in January, and now they’ve nearly all been ticked off the list and now we are thinking Okay so when do we get to meet our little one? But I believe everything happens fo a reason and it’s all about timing. Our little girl will come out when she’s good and ready and we can only wait for her xx


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Maternity leave week one ..

When I first got pregnant, one of the many questions I was asked was “how long are you going to be working for?” And more recently alot of people asked when I would be giving up work .. my answer from day one has always been that I would work until baby girl was born.

Then we had some time off over Christmas when the girls from work went to Gambia to take Christmas to the children there (which is just bloody amazing!) So I worked from home and was able to rest more as I had alot of time off. So it got to coming back to work and my body jut couldn’t do it. I’ve had problems with my hips since I was about 4/5 months pregnant but where shes so low now Im struggling to sleep, to even get in or out of bed now which is no good, so unfortunately I had to listen to my body and my midwife and get signed off work.

For the first few days I really struggled, for me routine is everything, I’ve been at my job for 4 years now so its literally been my everyday routine, getting up, going to work, food shop, home, tidy up, dinner etc .. its been my social life top as I work with the best bunch of girls you can meet and even seeing the clients has been part of my social life (except the rude ones of course! Plenty of them!!) But you don’t realise how much you rely on routine, because when that was gone I felt lost, I still do I guess.

I feel so guilty for not working, like I’m letting people down but I need to listen to my body and rest up to get strong to deliver and look after our baby girl.

Here is a list of a few things that maternity have been to me so far :

– Every night before bed, frantically cleaning in case tonight’s the night I go into labour (ive convinced myself its going to happen at night)

– It’s making the bed more spick and span in the morning when I eventually get up, for the same reason, incase today is the day.

– It’s the constant battle between my brain and body, with my brain telling me I should be getting shit done just in case and my body telling me to rest up.

– The packing and repacking of our hospital bag, it’s now done and zipped up so tight I actually can’t unzip it.

– It’s every twinge or tightening that makes you think “is this it?”

– Taking my hospital folder with me everywhere I go incase I go into labour when I’m out.

– It’s constantly having my phone on charge, just in case.

Basically it’s just lots of time to overthink and overworry and overanalyse everything. It’s also the final countdown and each day is now a step closer to bringing our baby girl into the world and holding her in our arms and our lives forever, and that’s pretty bloody exciting.


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How I feel about becoming a Mum ..

As I sit here in our girly’s room, 8 months pregnant, swollen, tired, achey, knowing pretty much everything is ticked off all those lists, in the most beautiful nursery, surrounded by all the equipment, cot, changing mat, cute teddies, all we are missing is our little girl.

On paper, we are ready, yet in the back of my mind I’ve got this voice screaming ”fuuuuuuck”.

I’m going to be a Mum.

Our little baby will be making an appearance soon. I haven’t ever changed a nappy in my life. What if I don’t know why she’s crying? What if I can’t cope? To be quite honest with you, I have never felt less ready for anything in my life. I’m petrified.

I think my over the top nesting is more because I know people are going to be round and think I’m an awful Mum so at least they’ll think I have a clean and tidy house and it might not be so obvious how shit I am.

I’m waiting for this mother instinct to kick in everyone tells me about. Everyone tells you about everything don’t they? How you should make the most of everything, how you should get your sleep in while you can. I can’t remember the last time I had a decent nights sleep. I ache all over, I have acid up to my ears and I can’t get comfy.

My mother’s instinct must be there a bit already I guess because I already know how much I would do anything to protect our little nugget and just feeling her wriggling around in my belly is by far one of my favourite times of the day.

I guess I’m just worried about getting things wrong and being judged because of everything. I really need to stop worrying about what people think, but that’s alot easier said than done isn’t it?

Someone tell me I’m not the only one to feel like this please?


no idea


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The hospital bag ..

As you may have gathered by now, I am a fan and at the same time not a fan, of lists.

I have had lists coming out of my ears the past 8 months, but one I didn’t do and didn’t even think of doing was a hospital bag list. It was one that I hadn’t even thought of and tbh I still haven’t finished packing, due to the fact I have packed snacks in there and I keep eating them.

But this is what I have in my hospital bag. The bag is just a plain black duffel/sports bag from Stocker, was only a tenner and is a decent size!

So for me I have :

  • 2 nighties
  • 1 pair of trackies
  • 2 pairs of leggings
  • Baggy tops ( I need to get!)
  • Lots of pants, and some socks.
  • A toiletry bag, with mini shampoo, conditioner, sudocrem, lipbalm, deodorant, wipes, tooth brush, toothpaste, and I’ve even put some foundation in there!
  • Breast pads, disposable knickers and lots of maternity pads.
  • I did have 2 bags of maltesers and some minstrels, but I’ve eaten them. Not really that sorry haha.
  • I still need to buy some nursing bras and more baggy tops.

For baby girl I’ve packed (and repacked loads of times!)

  • 5 newborn sleep suits
  • A pack of nappies (40 in a pack I think?)
  • Cotton wool pads
  • A bib
  • 2 muslin cloths
  • A blanket
  • 3 hats and 3 sets of mittens
  • 1 snowsuit

I debated packing a dummy for her, but I’ll ask mum to bring her one if we need that, as I don’t want to start her on dummies straight away.

It’s really tricky to know what to pack as we don’t know how long we will be in there and how things are going to go, but luckily as we live near the hospital, and Mum & Dad know where everything is they can pick some more stuff up if need be.

From the 1st of January I will have the hospital bag in my boot at all tmes, cos in case you haven’t noticed I am a bloody worrier haha.

Was there anything you packed that you wished you didn’t or vice versa? Let me know!




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Our baby shower ..

It’s been a while since I’ve posted, mainly cos’ the past 2 months have been quite hectic and crazy. It was a month yesterday until our due date, and we are officially in our ”due month” from tomorrow, which is quite bloody scary/exciting/surreal!

So I took my last holiday week off from work at the beginning of December, and it was lovely as my sister and Alyshia (my cousin-in-law) came over and was lovely to spend some time with my family and just to chill, not much chilling was done, but alot of stuff got sorted and we finally started on the nursery and it made me feel loads better.

Dad said when Tiff had booked her flights, that on the Wednesday, not to make any plans as he was taking us out for lunch somewhere posh, and to dress up nice. So, on the
Wednesday, I got up, we started getting ready, I’d had a shit nights sleep, had finally got ready, we had to leave the house at 2, and at 10 to 2 my body decided to be sick, all over my leggings and bathroom floor, not fuckin nice I tell you! So now I’m panicking, I got changed, scrubbed the bathroom while Arkaitz just kept saying hurry up we’ve got to leave at 2! So we eventually got out of the house, made our way over to Mum & Dad’s, and as I walked in, it had been turned into what I can only describe as a pink paradise! They had arranged a surprise baby shower! I have never seen so much pink before, it was so beautiful and so many little details, as I walked in, my sister grabbed me and said come with us, the biggest surprise is in the bedroom, so by now I’m thinking what the hell else could they surprise me with! Well as they opened the door, my Mum & Dad’s room was full of my lovely friends and they shouted surprise and I’m quite surprised I didn’t wee myself! It was such a lovely surprise and so nice to see them all and we had such a lovely day with some funny games, lots of food and being absolutely overwhelmed by everyone’s kindness and lovely presents! Needless to say, our girly doesn’t need any more clothes! She has more clothes than all of us!

I can’t believe they had been planning it all since August! Normally I find out everything, I’m like the FBI but I honestly didn’t have a clue and I’m so glad! It was so nice for Arkaitz to be involved in everything too, he got a bit overwhelmed, he knew about the baby shower but didn’t expect what we walked into. Such a lovely day and so many memories were made.

We are so grateful to be surrounded by such amazing supportive people and we know that our little girl is going to have the best people in her life. xx


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Pregnancy diary – Week 32 ..

What a bumpy few weeks it’s been (pardon the pun) ..

First of all my belly seems to have really popped, it was literally from the Saturday to the Tuesday I noticed it growing, and now I get that feeling every few days, the tight itchy belly feeling which has unfortunately been affecting my hips badly. My midwife says unfortunately this is normal and to go for walks and keep bouncing on my ball.

I have managed to get alot done over the last few weeks, looking back. It’s nice to see the spare room finally looking like a nursery. We have ordered our pram, we have gone with the Mothercare Journey 3-in-1 in black/chrome, it looks lovely, can’t wait to see it on Monday when it’s delivered. Completely out of my comfort zone as I havent actually seen it myself, but Mum & Dad have, and there have been some very good reviews on it on the Mummy groups I’ve joined on Facebook. These groups have really helped me to keep it real to be honest with you. I’ve stopped putting so much pressure on myself, stopped comparing our situation and our home and our nursery to Pinterest and Instagram (I’ve actually deleted Pinterest which is a big step for me, not going to be deleting Instagram though) and starting focusing on how we want it and what we both want in there for our baby girl, and more importantly what our baby girl needs.

There are plenty of other things we need to tick off our lists, literally, but I’m not beating myself up for not having my shit together. Rome wasn’t built in a day after all. I set myself little goals instead, whether it be taking baby grows out of their packaging so it’s all ready to wash and putting it in the drawers, or even just doing some washing, I then feel like I’ve achieved something. I’ve accepted I can’t do it all, and it has taken such a weight off my shoulders. Arkaitz has been helping me out so much more lately, whether it be helping me get off the sofa (baby bellies are bloody heavy, especially if you have hip problems) to him simply cooking dinner, washing up or taking the rubbish helps loads, and the fact I’m letting him do it instead of taking control of everything is a big step even though it might not seem like it.

I had my midwife appointment yesterday, and our little one’s doing fine, we have got some more blood/wee tests coming up at the end of December, but everything seems fine with both of us. I have been given a prescription of Ranitidine to hopefully ease my acid reflux which has been awful, and I’m booked in to have my flu and whooping cough jab next week, which I’m quite sceptical about ..

be gentle

So tomorrow is my last day at work before I have a week off. It’s a half day, I’m getting my hair done, and then my lovely sister is coming over on Saturday so I’m so looking forward to just having some time out, and some family time, making memories and breaking the routine a little bit.

This post might seem quite silly and pointless to other people, but it’s a big achievement for me to just get home from work and if I want to get a few pizzas and watch Netflix on the sofa instead of getting myself into a pickle overdoing it cos’ I’m tired from work, then that’s what I’m going to do – Got to make the most of it after all haven’t I? As I still keep being told ….



(ironically this image I found on Google was linked to Pinterest!!)

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Organisation is key …

Organisation is key, I keep getting told, and I keep telling myself.

We went to Ikea a few weeks ago and got nugget’s wardrobe and chest of drawers we will be using as a changing unit, so now all the stuff that was just in boxes and on the floor are organised in drawers, and on cute little hangers in her wardrobe. So that helped me feel like I had my shit together for about 5 minutes, until I saw all the empty space I have.


(Grandparents to be after our trip to Ikea!!)

So because of work etc and most of my weekends being taken up by doing stuff or just sleeping because holy shit I’m tired, I’ve been doing lists. So many lists, I’m even doing a list of lists I need to make. Oh and I’ve just found I need to do a list for my hospital bag, plus buy a hospital bag which I hadn’t even thought of!!

It helps. Well it helps until you lose half of the list you’ve started.

Pinterest has been my best friend, but then it’s also been my worst enemy at the same time, because everything is looking so perfect on there and I don’t know how the hell I can compare so I’m trying not to. The lists are helpful, as there are things I haven’t even thought of, but I have shown them to my mum and my friends who have babies, and they’ve pointed out at least 10 things on there I don’t need straight away, or don’t need at all. One of my friends Jayne, has told me to stay away from pinterest and has, let’s say, edited “the list” (see photo below!) – You can read her blog too on Facebook or on here

lists (1)lists (2)

For example I saw a lady selling a humidifier the other day, and I said to my Dad ”Oh that’s a good price” , his reply was ”And what does that do then?” and honestly, I didn’t have a clue! – So needless to say, I didn’t buy it!

The main priority at the moment is getting our pram sorted, we’ve seen one in Carrefour, and on Saturday we went to Toysrus in Elche and I thought right today is the day, I’m going to get the bottles sorted and the pram, I thought the staff would be really helpful and not be too pushy and there would be lots of choice and I would come out feeling refreshed and knowing what we wanted. Well it couldn’t have been further from the truth. The store in Elche is massive, it feels dirty, I think we saw one shop assistant and she was on the tills, and there were more electric remote controlled cars than pushchairs, so yeah, figure that one out. We went to Kiabi after, they have lovely stuff, we got a cute little tracksuit for our girl, and then made our way home. Cue the meltdown on the motorway. I can’t help but feel like I’m a bad mum already because I’m no way near prepared for our girl’s arrival, and it’s not through the lack of trying. Everything is so new and I have to admit I’m completely out of my comfort zone.

Me and my Mum went into Alcampo yesterday, and boom, there it was. A lovely 3-in-1 pram, fab price, and it’s in black, so it will be easy to accesorize etc. So that will be ordered soon, and then that’s one of the main things sorted.

I’ve booked my final week off before my maternity leave so I can’t wait to just have some days getting organised and finally getting my shit together so I can enjoy the last weeks of our pregnancy. Have just found out my sister is coming over for the week too so some family time is what we all need so very much looking forward to that (and to filling her suitcase!!)