I’ve noticed in my previous posts how I always seem to mention what other people think, are doing, or what they may have said. Well this one is a little different, this is just me, six weeks in, writing down some thoughts.
First of all … fuck. I never knew it would be this draining. I am so tired and my body feels so tired. Someone asked me recently how parenthood is going, I answered simply “there’s little sleep but alot of love!”
I feel like a new woman in the fact that I don’t remember who I am anymore. I’ve lost my way a bit I guess. There are so many feelings and emotions going on everything just completely throws me.
I can no longer just nip out for something, mainly because I overthink and overworry and overanalyse everything. I know I shouldn’t and some thoughts are absolutely ridiculous but there you go.
I feel so lost. My home used to be my safe place, my haven if you like, and now there are some days it feels like a prison. My only safe place I guess atm is on Instagram, where the “instamums” are sharing similar thoughts so I don’t feel so alone at 3am in the morning, or any time really.
There’s not a minute in the day that I’m not thinking about what I should be doing and yet wondering where I’ll get the energy to do so. There is so much paperwork still to be done it’s so overwhelming and not helping how I feel one bit. We’ve got to go to the nursery soon to get Nelly’s name on the waiting list, yet I can’t see how I’m ever going to be able to leave her there and go back to work, but life isn’t a fairytale and bills need to be paid!
I know how this all sounds a bit “poor me” but it’s just how I’m feeling and this is the only way I feel I can express it really. So there ya go.
Here’s to the next 6 weeks!