As I sit here in our girly’s room, 8 months pregnant, swollen, tired, achey, knowing pretty much everything is ticked off all those lists, in the most beautiful nursery, surrounded by all the equipment, cot, changing mat, cute teddies, all we are missing is our little girl.
On paper, we are ready, yet in the back of my mind I’ve got this voice screaming ”fuuuuuuck”.
I’m going to be a Mum.
Our little baby will be making an appearance soon. I haven’t ever changed a nappy in my life. What if I don’t know why she’s crying? What if I can’t cope? To be quite honest with you, I have never felt less ready for anything in my life. I’m petrified.
I think my over the top nesting is more because I know people are going to be round and think I’m an awful Mum so at least they’ll think I have a clean and tidy house and it might not be so obvious how shit I am.
I’m waiting for this mother instinct to kick in everyone tells me about. Everyone tells you about everything don’t they? How you should make the most of everything, how you should get your sleep in while you can. I can’t remember the last time I had a decent nights sleep. I ache all over, I have acid up to my ears and I can’t get comfy.
My mother’s instinct must be there a bit already I guess because I already know how much I would do anything to protect our little nugget and just feeling her wriggling around in my belly is by far one of my favourite times of the day.
I guess I’m just worried about getting things wrong and being judged because of everything. I really need to stop worrying about what people think, but that’s alot easier said than done isn’t it?
Someone tell me I’m not the only one to feel like this please?