When I first got pregnant, one of the many questions I was asked was “how long are you going to be working for?” And more recently alot of people asked when I would be giving up work .. my answer from day one has always been that I would work until baby girl was born.
Then we had some time off over Christmas when the girls from work went to Gambia to take Christmas to the children there (which is just bloody amazing!) So I worked from home and was able to rest more as I had alot of time off. So it got to coming back to work and my body jut couldn’t do it. I’ve had problems with my hips since I was about 4/5 months pregnant but where shes so low now Im struggling to sleep, to even get in or out of bed now which is no good, so unfortunately I had to listen to my body and my midwife and get signed off work.
For the first few days I really struggled, for me routine is everything, I’ve been at my job for 4 years now so its literally been my everyday routine, getting up, going to work, food shop, home, tidy up, dinner etc .. its been my social life top as I work with the best bunch of girls you can meet and even seeing the clients has been part of my social life (except the rude ones of course! Plenty of them!!) But you don’t realise how much you rely on routine, because when that was gone I felt lost, I still do I guess.
I feel so guilty for not working, like I’m letting people down but I need to listen to my body and rest up to get strong to deliver and look after our baby girl.
Here is a list of a few things that maternity have been to me so far :
– Every night before bed, frantically cleaning in case tonight’s the night I go into labour (ive convinced myself its going to happen at night)
– It’s making the bed more spick and span in the morning when I eventually get up, for the same reason, incase today is the day.
– It’s the constant battle between my brain and body, with my brain telling me I should be getting shit done just in case and my body telling me to rest up.
– The packing and repacking of our hospital bag, it’s now done and zipped up so tight I actually can’t unzip it.
– It’s every twinge or tightening that makes you think “is this it?”
– Taking my hospital folder with me everywhere I go incase I go into labour when I’m out.
– It’s constantly having my phone on charge, just in case.
Basically it’s just lots of time to overthink and overworry and overanalyse everything. It’s also the final countdown and each day is now a step closer to bringing our baby girl into the world and holding her in our arms and our lives forever, and that’s pretty bloody exciting.